Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I don't know what to do
Advice/ideas would be welcome. Thomas (16 as you know) has had a girlfriend for the last 9 months - first love and all - all a bit too intense for my liking (they are in the same class) but he is an intense person and she has quite a few family problems (any of you who read the old blog may remember when I mentioned her coming back from a 3 week trip to find her home empty (Mum was 40 kms away in the hills having a holiday - from what, I don't know, she does nothing except look after her dogs) and no food in the house - her Mum and partner are about to move about 50 kms away and she is going to live with the nuns so she can finsh this year at school - she has been through a terrible time - feeling completely abbandoned by her Mum, friends at school (a lot of them are fairly two faced girls - that sounds very hard but it is infact the reality of life in a small provincial Italian town) and her Dad (who pays no maintenece and just pops in and out of her life with no regard for her needs) - she is a lovely girl - and Thomas has been a real rock for her - he has helped her massively with school work, she has been welcomed into our family (I could say 'families' because she was spending a lot of her time with with us or when the kids were with their dad she would spend time with them) - her Mum does nothing for her - takes no notice when she comes in or goes out - its like she is invisible in her own home - well, I think it had all got too much for Thomas - he is a very responsible, sensitive kid (infact I don't think it was a coincidence they hooked up - with everything he had been through when his dad and I separated he could understand her and he wanted to help her) - but he was taking on all the responsibility for her happiness - before Christmas he was in tears telling me that she was in a terrible state (about the move to the nuns etc) but that whatever he did it just wasn't enough - anyway, the long and the short of it is that last week they broke up - Thomas behaved badly and she finished with him (here I have to say that I think Thomas actually behaved like a typical male - instead of having the guts to finish with her he behaved in such a way that she would finish with him thus releasing himself from all responsibility - Mum's not pleased about this.....) - the next day Allegra (the girlfriend) changed her mind and depserately wanted to get back with him - he held out for a few days and it seemed thaat slowly things were getting back on track - he had started eating again, looking more like his old self etc etc - but........I have just bumped into Allegra - and I am completely shocked and very worried - she is in a terrible terrible state, her face and chest have broken out in a type of rash, she's not eating, in floods of tears, given up at school, completely beside herself - I'm sure you get the pricture - what do we do? she begged me to get Thomas to take her back - as Thomas's mum I don't wnat him to ignore his feelings (he says he doesn't miss her but he misses the way he felt about her) but on a human level I want him to help her - to be there for her - but it would be wrong for him - I am sure - so what do I do? nothing? something? she needs someone to help her - what a worry .