The light has gone

It has been almost 3 weeks....I didn't see it coming....I feel bereft....the "empty nest syndrome" seems so banal but now I am living it, I know it is far far worse.
Our life in England is better in every way, but we came to England when we did, so that you would have opportunities,...and so now you are not here, I can't see any reason for being here, for working,  doing the shopping, buying flowers for the house, making cakes, making an affort..I am going through the motions but there is no point without you or Thomas.
You don't know it  but I am heart broken.... I can barely go into your room..I keep the door closed,.I can't go into town....everything sends me off...
Every day sees me a crying wreck....it is shameful but I don't seem able to change it.
You asked me months ago, when we knew you would be leaving, never to tell you that I miss you....and I promised...but here I will tell you.
You have always been the sunshine in my life...from the day you were born....always. I am so very proud of you ...and I miss you more than I could ever have imagined.

Feeling angry

Feeling angry .....and nowhere to vent but here.....this is not a menopausal fuelled anger ....I have every right to feel angry. And I do. Trying to talk the situation out does not help...according to the other party....not talking the situation out does not help me. Stalemate. Agree to disagree. But tonight I go to bed angry.

Going home

What a weekend ...we are knackered but it was all worth it. Glasgow is fab, the Glaswegians too....hours just slip by here ...Saturday night with Tessa and David and then 12 hours in a pub yesterday with the Warren cousins reunion. What lovely people, what a lot of alcohol, what stories....

And we will be back. No question.

Last minute .....Glasgow

A week ago we had no idea that we'd be waking up in in Glasgow..but that's the power of FB I guess. A message from a longtime-no see Warren cousin and here we are in Scotland for a Warren family reunion.
A quick check on the Flybe website and tickets were booked from Exeter...a dream..flying from just down the road..no queues, no hassle ...
A quick check on airbnb ...a great little flat for the weekend ...pub, coop, pizza, train station all on our doorstep...if I could just get out of bed....a bed which is far too comfortable :)
And he is in the kitchen cooking up his long awaited square sausages....
Let the Glasgow weekend continue....

Energia solare

Solare - lo sei sempre stato - sin dai primi giorni, il bambino che ci faceva sempre sorridere, che faceva sorridere i nostri cuori anche nei momenti piu' brutti....e ora, anche a 18 anni, e' sempre cosi. Ieri, sono stata a fare l'ultimo ricevimento della mia vita da mamma ...Thomas ormai si sta per laureare e tu stai per iniziare la vita che ti portera' tanta gioia e soddisfazione. Ieri, al College, tutti i tuoi insegnanti hanno detta la stessa identica cosa.... sei solare, hai un energia unico...entri in aula e l'energia della classe si alza. Hai presenza, e non soltanto sul palcoscenico. La gente ci chiede da dove viene quest'energia, a chi assomigli, e ne' papa', ne' io abbiamo una risposta. Sei unico, sei la tua persona, everything about you is just so simply you.

Not an optional extra

I have to walk, it is the only thing that seems to help the difficult moods...the difficult moods which I live in my head and which Robert has to deal with as they come in.... I can feel the black clouds gathering and this is all that seems to help...

Just another day at the office...

Like clockwork....11.58am and its quiet time for the animals.....