Monday, July 30, 2012


This could refer to the crap that some dog keeps leaving right outside our gate - it s an invisible dog, with an invisible owner - it has been going on for 2 weeks now - there was a 3 day break but it has started up again - unbelievable - and so annoying!
But in fact the crap in the title does not refer to that - it is how I am feeling - I am so overwhelmed with anxiety and nerves it is untrue - this was supposed to be a happy time -I was almost looking forward to Robert going away before me - the same way you look forward to the build up to Christmas - the excitement and anticipation of what is going to happen - I thought it was dead cool that we have a date in Detroit - cool and romantic (even though I'm guessing romantic isn't a word generally associated with Motor Town) - I thought the anticipation of what we are going to see and do over there for this long awaited holiday would feel good - but I feel terrible - my stomach is in knots, I can't sleep, I can't eat and I feel sick most of the time - I hate it - I am 'in my head' as Robert says and I just can't get out of it - there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am a very normal sort of person but in these situations I come over with the worst possible insecurities - I am not quick and witty, I am not drop dead gorgeous, I find it hard to talk to people I don't know - and I just can't change who I am. I hate feeling like this, I hate being 'in my head' - normally when I feel like this Robert is the one who spots it and he can always go someway to making me feel better - but this time he's not here, he's not seeing it, he doesn't know I'm feeling like this and he's got way too many other things going on right now - so I have to sort it out, I have to get out of my head and I have to stop feeling like crap.

1 comment:

  1. You are going to have a great time in Motor City! Too bad you're still too far away from middle Missouri. :-(